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Battle on the Orient Expressway
Battle on the Orient Expressway is the third episode of the second season of Crash Bandicoot: N-Ventures!, though it was the fourth to be produced. One of very very few Pura-centric episodes in the series, the episode introduces us to his ancient Chinese family, who request help from the future to save the Great Wall of China from Cortex's aimless schemes. Plot Summary One day, Crash is kicking back, relaxing with a nice cool glass of Wumpade and watching Dingodharma and Egg on Wumpavision. (Spoiler alert: Dingodharma fries and eats the egg, which is voiced by Kevin Michael Richardson.) Suddenly, Pura bursts into the room, begging Crash for help. It seems that Pura's parents in ancient China called him on his portable Yellow-ular Bananaphone, requesting help from the future. Crash eagerly obliges, since the boring local news was next anyway. Crash, Coco, and Aku Aku ride Pura clear to Castle Cortex, where they strike Tropy's Time Twisting Gong to warp back to ancient China Island! Here, Pura introduces Crash to his parents: Mama Purella (Special Guest Star Mayim Bialik) and Papa Puracello (Special Guest Star Ted Wass). Crash hammishly muses that it's like they've already met. The pleasantries are cut short, however, by the appearance of the scourge of the land, the terrifying Cortilla the Hun! He explains that he's out to destroy their allegedly Great Wall, and to prove it, he has his minions, Lo Mein Larry and Peking Duck Bill, remove a few bricks. Purella and Puracello are rightly terrified - and Cortilla promises that there will be more of this horror tomorrow! But for now, he takes his leave, disappearing in a puff of mystic Chinese smoke. It is decided that Crash and Pura will stay behind to protect the elder tigers, while Coco and Aku Aku march on to face Cortilla. Crashie is very fond of this plan, because it means he does not have to work, probably. Meanwhile, Cortilla is relaxing in his lair, laughing maniacally. He is joined in this maniacal laughter by his favourite underling, Ripper Roo Goo Gai Pan. They look all sinister, and stuff. Meanwhile, Coco and Aku Aku are confronted by another of Cortilla's minions: Egg Rolla Roo! Egg Rolla uses a bunch of badly animated martial arts against her, all of which she blocks. Egg Rolla then has the brilliant idea to use his martial arts to break Coco's "feathery board" in half. He succeeds. It's okay, though, because Coco has tape. She tapes Aku Aku back together, and he is mad. He uses his magic shaman powers to banish Egg Rolla Roo to the Nitro Crate Dimension, where he will suffer. Coco is pleased with the victory, and muses about how stupid martial arts are, because violence is never the answer. Meanwhile, Crash, Pura, and the Purasteins are approached by a large, muscular striped tiger who sounds exactly the same as Tiny Tiger; however, he says he is Puriny, the Purasteins' long lost son. Purella and Puracello welcome Puriny with open arms. They sit down to discuss their lives. Puriny says that he missed his mommy and daddy. He goes on to say that he's also a big Crash Bandicoot fan, and asks Crash, as his number one fan, what the marsupial's biggest weakness is. Crash almost answers this question, but Pura interrupts him. Pura shouts that it's actually Tiny Tiger, and proves this by dousing him with paint thinner. Everyone gasps, and asks Pura how he ever knew. Pura simply states that he couldn't possibly forget Tiny from all their past encounters. Tiny goes back to tell Cortilla the good news. Crash begins to feel concerned. Meanwhile, Coco has finally arrived in the lair of Cortilla the Hun. Coco asks why he could possibly wish to destroy the Great Wall, to which Cortilla responds that it's blocking his view of beautiful Mongolia. Cortilla then orders Ripper Roo Goo Gai Pan to attack her! He chants a magic haiku, which conjures up an inescapable ring of TNT Crates around Coco, leaving her just doomed enough for a commercial break. When we return, Roo Goo Gai Pan begins the countdown. 3....2....1....and the crates explode....in a shower of beautiful fireworks that cause no actual harm, aside from setting Aku Aku's feathers on fire, "hilariously" enough. Cortilla curses the Chinese theme of his scheme. Just then, Crashie arrives to save the day! Crash bellows that there's no escape now, but Cortilla begs to differ, and summons his most very frightening minion of all - his Chinese-style Dingodragon! Cortilla hops on and flies away. Crash just shrugs and starts to pull out the Pocket Wumpavision, but Coco has a stroke of genius. She pulls out her laptop, types in a few lines of new code, and it transforms into a Chinese-style dragon, too! Crash, Coco, and Aku Aku hop aboard and give chase after the escaping Cortilla, to the accompaniment of the half-assed original song of the week. Finally, the lappy-dragon is able to defeat Dingodragon by shooting a well-aimed floppy disk at it, and DD comes crashing down, Cortilla and all. But Cortilla still has a trick up his sleeve. He pulls out a remote control and pushes a button, causing tonnes of egg fried rice to bury Crash and Coco! Crash has no idea what to do now. All seems lost....until he thinks back to the lessons he's learned from Wumpavision! Dingodharma and Egg claims that eggs are edible, and so, too, by logical extension, is egg fried rice! Crash easily eats his way out, and finishes off Cortilla with some sort of martial artsy flying kick thing. The day is saved! Later on, Pura thanks Crash by offering to help him race for Relics on the newly saved Great Wall Orient Expressway. Crash thinks this sounds entirely too much like work. Purella and Puracello thank him by offering all the Wumpepper Steak he can eat. Crashie is more receptive to this offer. Meanwhile, in the present, Cortilla reports to Uka Uka. Uka berates him for failing yet again. This makes Cortilla feel bad. Just then, Tiny arrives, and relates the tale of his encounter with Crashie and the Purasteins. He just grounds him, making Cortilla feel somewhat better. Tropy also steps in, apologising for ever sending Cortex to China in the first place, as Nefarious has now learned the very best moral of all - Communism is irredeemably bad.